#HONESTLY CONSIDERING TO DELETE THIS POST.
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I've blocked a lot of endos [I'm clustering tulpas in the same "origin category," btw], and I hope that they'll respectfully do the same in return when I post things like this. I will never be the first to interact with them, and more often than not I delete their comments from my posts and block them in order to keep myself from interacting in a pointless argument altogether.
That being said, I still want to put my thoughts out there.
Heads up, this is a long one. The rest is below the cut. Per usual, summarized points are highlighted in red for faster viewing.
I know for a fact that a majority of endos aren't claiming to have a CDD [complex dissociative disorder], which tends to be the main argument endos like to use in order to explain that they aren't invading OSDDID spaces or harming communities built for those who are disordered. That doesn't make their claims of being "plural" any less harmful to the CDD community. They are still claiming to have symptoms of dissociative disorders, which waters down the severity of the actual disorders themselves.
Being a system means having a fragmented identity [which is what alters are]. A fragmented identity is a disordered identity. A disordered identity is a disordered brain. Having parts is not typical, and endos claiming that it is possible to have alters without a disorder creates this misconception that plurality is completely normal to experience.
[Don't get me wrong, I'm also irritated by the perspective that everyone with OSDDID is constantly suffering and cannot experience any joy, or even enjoy being a system—because that view is just as uneducated as the endo one.]
Here's the thing—watering down the disorder isn't actually one that matters much to those outside of people who interact with the system sections of social media, because I guarantee you that most people don't even know what "endogenic" means. The issue with watering down symptoms of disorders that result in alters are how they harm actual systems. I've seen multiple systems on this app and even a few others on social media who claim to be endogenic, but talk about having other symptoms of CDDs and having childhood trauma that they don't consider severe enough to be "traumagenic." Seeing things like that is honestly heartbreaking. There are so many systems out there who are completely convinced that they simply can't have originated from trauma because "they weren't hurt badly enough."
It's bizarre to me that this is what the internet has come to.
Here's the thing; if there was actual evidence of endos and tulpas being fully, scientifically capable of existing, I wouldn't be so strongly against their claims. Hell, I've done research in my spare time to actually look for the supposed proof that endos say there is on the ability to be plural without a disorder, and I've reached countless dead ends. Masterlists of "endo-affirming resources" are either incredibly vague, non-credible, or take me straight to an error message [as in, the page has since been taken down]. Aside from those resources, the strongest argument I've seen is that "there's no proof that endos don't exist," which doesn't make any sense either. You could say that about anything you want to, despite currently existing evidence that already suggests your claim is nonsensical.
I am genuinely open to information that is credible, but so far, it just doesn't seem to exist. Anyone is welcome to share some with me, and I will truly approach them with an open mind; that doesn't mean I'm not going to point out lack of credibility when I see it.
In no way do I feel malice or hatred for systems who identify as endogenic, but I'm afraid that directly interacting with endos through areas of syscourse will, and has clearly already created bitterness. I refrain because of how hostile syscourse has gotten, and I encourage others who share my point of view to also keep the hostility to a minimum. I think everyone needs to be more open-minded—both endos and antis like myself. Unfortunately, that's only achievable in a perfect world.
#🐦⬛ . trinket#anti endo#actually osdd#system#osdid#did#traumagenic system#sys#osddid#did osdd#anti endogenic#osdd#osdd alter#osdd system#syscourse#system stuff#i like writing out full acronyms because theres always someone out there who doesnt know what the acronym means
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Soul Eater has always been a bizarre case. on one end of the spectrum there's characters like Kilik Rung, Mira Nygus, and even major manga antagonist Noah. on the other end there's the infamous bg jazz band that are straight up minstrels (they look identical in the manga. this was not studio bones' artistic liberty) and the death scythe repping Africa named Dengu Dinga who wears a mashup of "african flavoured" clothing. and then there's Sid, obviously i can't pass judgement on what's good or bad design rep but there certainly was a scene where Maka literally calls him a "mean blue gorilla"..
sorry for rambling, but Ohkubo absolutely takes inspiration from graffiti art and hip hop aesthetics in his work which makes the antiblackness even more disrespectful
Feel free to ignore that ask if the topic is bogging you down btw, I didn't see your last post if you're done engaging with the topic for now feel free to delete it. Looking forward to what you do with strawberry moon <3
Oh dude you're good. I just needed a nap before I answered more lol. I'll try and answer as many of these as I can because I'm honestly enjoying the discussion even though I have to step away from it for a bit. It's triggering to me but not in a way that I can't talk about it, just bogs down my mind ya know?
Anyway, I've never watched Soul Eater so I had no idea of the Black characters in the show! I had to look them up and I see what you're saying. Mira is a stereotype because I'd consider her a sexualized Black woman in this context. Kilik is like 100% fine to me at a glance, like he just looks like a Black guy though there may be some writing I'm missing that still makes him a stereotype.
I had no idea that he was influenced by graffiti art but I TOTALLY see it now in his shape language. Sid is by far the worst since he still has the big white teeth and a more 'gangster' aesthetic. Especially considering the time period Soul Eater was released, it's in poor taste at best and still perpetuating Black stereotypes at worse.
Anime is it's own sub-genre of racism in animation. White people LOOOOOVE to say "oh it's a different culture and they don't know" LMAO YES THEY DO DON'T PLAY stop infantilizing Asians you fucking sickos.
Colorism alone is such an issue in Asian countries. I've lived with people from China, South Korea, Thailand, Taiwan, and the Philippines. I've heard first hand accounts of people from the Philippines being treated like lesser human beings just for having a slightly darker skin-tone and don't get me started on how Chinese imperialism has impacted Taiwanese people. I'm not going to speak for disenfranchised Asian people but it's easy to find if you look it up. But my point is if colorism is that prevalent, imagine how much worse it is when your entire culture has a history of being exploited to the point that blackface is a worldwide issue.
Also the Boondocks exists and though not a perfect example, it still has some of the best depictions of Black people in an anime style. There's no excuse to draw racist stereotypes when there's literally 5 seasons worth of overall solid Black character designs that can be referenced for other series.
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Sorry I purposefully didn't show you guys this one in this post
I was extremely shy.
I'm not even gonna put it up here from how shy I am, it's going under the line.
@magebunkshelf @dayspriteofficial Please. Please forget you see this okay. I have to tag you because I'm being held at gunpoint (jk)
#IM SO EMBARRASSED#MY FACE IS TOO RED#UGH#you will be seeing me draw something like this again unfortunately#sigh.#my art#gator boys#the bug army#HONESTLY CONSIDERING TO DELETE THIS POST.#ITS TOO SAPPY#THERES TOO MUCH KISSING#I LOVE OC X CANON#BUT IM NOT BRAVE ENOUGH FOR THIS#obsidian lantern
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tickling your human host is SO unfair
(ns//fw and/or fetish blogs please dni🙏🙏)
#my art#tickle art#um. i dont know what to say about this#this is EASILY the most self indulgent thing ive ever posted. so much so that i worked THIS HARD and still considered not posting it#might delete later :pensive:#but you guys SAID YOU WANTED SA//M AND MA//X ART!!!!!!!!! bet you didnt think itd be about this guy huh#im gonna be real with you all papier///waite is just my favorite character Of All Time. easily#why? dont ask questions. just look at him#SPOILERS for tdp obviously#but the first time me n rocket played 304 together#and we saw the reveal of. THESE GUYS.#we both paused the game and went 'HMMMMMMMMMM' out loud#because we both thought the SAME THING.#honestly summoning a tentacle god is lee behavior. whats he gonna use those for? wrecking you?#the answer is yes#imagine being ticklish and also being a lee and accidently fusing with your Favorite God#and he can READ YOUR MND. and picks up on being a ler SO fast.#THATS BEEN THIS GUY'S LIFE FOR 100 YEARS#sam and max the devils playhouse spoilers#sam and max tickle#anyway. *closes eyes for the last time*
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whenever i see you post on twitter its like spotting an old school acquaintance in public like bro what are you doing here
oof yea that does describe it 💀💀 idk quite how to put it but yknow like how people will be like "i'm a grown man i don't have snapchat"? that's my mood rn with twitter. that's my energy for X. it's like embarrassing :"//
#i was thinking i need to do some mass migration of my arts ive posted on there but like honestly it's all rotted and dusty so idrc#and like i do just hate the platform atp#so heavily considering just Deleting and Moving on With My Life#i used to have a side acc to follow news and stuff too and guess what it's just NIPS IN BIO and the shittiest stupidest regurgitated thread#like the content farming there??? astronomical#who'd've thunk a subscription model to mfin TWITTER would be so bad#idk maybe if you pay $8 it is a usable site#i somehow doubt it#but then you could talk to Grok#so like there's that I SUPPOSE#mfing GROK#my god#the more i talk about it he more i'm cringing#hashtag deleting twitter later#txt
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… “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” it’s such a freeing realization, zomfg /gen /pos
#delete l8r#bleats#this isn’t even the most important part of her but I have to address this ASAP#her being a weird ass spoiled girl with a God Complex™️ is the most important thing BUT#the fucking entitlement#slight vent#identity policing#generally positive#bittersweet#a lot of things pushed me towards this thought#but this post is…#this is about something specific#I’m so tired of ‘walking on eggshells’ with MY oc 🙄#(pun UNintended holy fuck)#Anyways™️#I’m tired of ‘hiding’ my multiracial background out of fear of being labeled ‘antiblack’ 🙄#how are u gonna call me (insert whatever -ism here) for creating a self indulgent OC based on… ME™️#Dodie isn’t meant to represent all black girl experiences oh my fucking god#damn that felt good to get off my chest#it honestly shouldn’t even matter considering she’s based off Me#but I’m so sick of entitlement & identity policing#god I wish I didn’t have to say this#omfg like when I and several other black girls who got harassed some years back cus we were into cottagecore???#like DUDE - me sitting in a flowery meadow eating a basket of strawberries is politicized now???#holy fuck just let me live??#damned if i do damned if i dont
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feverishly telling myself that everyone grows at their own pace while seeing yet another 13 year old with beautiful sistene chapel worthy art skills and looking back at the bland horribly drawn unappealing genuinely fucking worthless pieces of trash in my sketchbook and desperately trying to convince myself that I don’t want to quit drawing and that I do still like it and that bad art is still art (it’s not when I do it)
#actual sugar post#sorry I just. Genuinely sometimes I want to never draw again#I’ve been genuinely considering quitting making art because#I just can’t make anything that’s worth anything honestly#there are pieces that are technical achievements that get every fundamental right#there are pieces with unique styles that are genuinely interesting#there are pieces that have something to say#not only is my work technically bad but. It’s boring. I’m not creating anything beautiful or interesting or original#my work is boring and so am I. I don’t even have motivation to create anymore. I force myself to shit stuff out and take weeks to finish it#I’m gonna be an adult soon. I don’t deserve to draw if this is all I can make#I don’t even deserve to be alive. I contribute nothing to this world#I am a parasite#idk#vent#delete later
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speaking of jason i saw a tweet about the outsiders go viral yesterday and HE
#honestly considering this movie came out in 1983. and considering how mega popular it was#i almost wonder if there /was/ some inspiration in creating post crisis jason#not from johnny specially but from the aesthetics and themes of the movie/book in general#to be deleted
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Okay, current wild theory goes as follows:
Secretive Plotter is important. Obviously.
Secretive Plotter is the author of Ways of Survival ->
They're the one that spoke to Kim Dokja when the Fourth Wall started to eat him (??? I did say it was a wild theory) ->
It. Uh. Sounded a bit like Yoo Joonghyuk (or, rather, like the conversation between Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk on the top of the theater dungeon but with the roles reversed [??? I did say, etc.])
Yoo Joonghyuk is Secretive Plotter.
(???)
#my post#orv#lb#and thus they author of ways of survival?#i don't know the second point is my pet theory but both things could be true or none or one#might delete this later but this is what i'm Considering right now#could be totally wrong though#my brother suggested that i make a red string board and honestly i'm this close to start doing it#anyways#tbd
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In all fairness, I think I should ultimately gather context for myself! Let’s see what I can find…
#while I am wary that we can be a bit reactive as far as antiblackness goes#a) it’s warranted tbf#and b) it’s rarely if ever fully dismissive of others’ struggles#how that might be weaponized by nonblack leftists is honestly beyond my ken#my head’s not high enough to bear witness to it#but I’m weird about gathering perspectives#and worse about coming to hard conclusions#I think I’ll delete that post#but I’ll consider “bad faith” if that really is the case…#I’d like to hope it’s way more complex but Occam’s razor points in the opposite direction
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aight im just gonna say it. some folks really gotta stop treating nishikiryu like they’re actually related and considering anyone who’s so much as Okay with them as a pairing of being incest apologists. like. that’s a legitimately fucked up and serious thing to accuse someone of just because of your view of two factually unrelated fictional characters.
#like. i really don’t like yumi being a love interest for kiryu and think she’d be best as a sister figure to him#a dynamic which could’ve formed while growing up alongside him at sunflower. that absolutely does not mean I would start blocking#and shittalking people for being ‘incest shippers’ as if I have the mora high ground and self righteousness to do so#it is really not different. only difference is the use of the word kyodai. which is an honorary title and not inherently synonymous with#viewing someone as your Actual Literal Sibling.#like just. chill the fuck out.#throwing that kinda accusation around is honestly no better than someone throwing around terms like ‘abuser’ or ‘gaslighting’#over subjective and unserious situations#no one is asking you to change your view of them. no one’s asking you to like them as a pairing. just say you don’t see it that way and move#on. not everything is a moral issue where someone needs to be condemned for something.#tldr: don’t be an asshole#this reminds me of the post that’s like. hey sometimes it’s okay to just say you don’t like someone/something without trying to prove#that disliking it is the Morally Correct thing to do.#like for real dude.#anyway might delete this later or simplify it becuase I have honestly been scared to say anything about this for a long time#due to seemingly the majority of people considering this a highly controversial hot button issue#also sure blocking people is an option but. if you like someone/most of someone’s content and just don’t like a certain pairing or topic or#whatever that they’ll reblog on occasion you can also just. block the tag. unless they don’t tag their shit then it’s more understandable#but i most certainly do and I appreciate when other people do the same because I have one major pairing tag in this fandom blocked because#of how much i don’t like it and plenty of people I follow post this pairing occasionally and shockingly it does not bother me. because#of the ability to filter via tags. it’s really not hard#anyway yeah sorry. let’s see how fast I delete this cause boy am I scared of getting eaten alive for this Apparently Hot Take#rambling#edit: also just wanna note that this isn’t even my main/favorite pairing or anything. im not a diehard nishikiryu guy#im a diehard kazumaji guy though for sure. but I have a strong opinion on the topic because. like I said. the gravity of people’s#accusations is beyond Not Okay
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i am literally so hungry and yet i am like paralyzed in my seat. why can't i get up and go get food. why am i just sitting here while my stomach wallows in agony. i feel ill. jay be normal
#qktalks#be normal.#me when i can't take care of myself ??? girl just get up and go nothing is stopping u (it feels like the world is stopping me)#anyway sorry this started off as a weird vent post or whatever. u guys know what i miss? animal jam#i miss that game so much#i also played a lot of happy pets on facebook when i was little i've been genuinely considering making a new facebook just to play it again#but is it worth it. no. no is the answer to that#i remember when i played animal jam back when i was little and i finally got that one headdress accessory that was the craze back then#and my best friend at the time got so jealous abt it that they hacked into my account while i was asleep and traded it w their own account#and the next day i was like ''where did all my stuff go'' and they were like ''haha idk'' while wearing my fucking outfit#honestly that's rly hilarious. the fucking audacity#little me wasn't ballsy enough to go ''uhm i think the fuck not'' i was like just ''oh ......... okay :(''#but u bet ur ass if i was as confident back then as i am now ? i woulda maimed them#yes <3 over a video game. that's what kids do didn't u know <3#god i do miss happy pets tho#that game was so fun and silly. i deleted my facebook tho all my houses upon houses of pets r gone#u could have glowing tigers!!!!!#JUST GOOGLED HAPPY PETS THE GAME GOT SHUT DOWN . OHTHIS IS HORRIBLE#will be mourning this game all night. will be crying in the shower over it#<- acting like she's not in a depressive spiral and will absolutely NOT be showering#im holding a roblox funeral for happy pets who wants to join [has never once played roblox]#anyway weird topic-less rant over goodnight <3 to all my new followers yes i am slightly strange
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really tired of hearing "this media is good" and "this media is bad". would rather hear "i like this because [ x thoughtful reason]" and "i don't like this because [y thoughtful reason]". i mean that's what critical thinking is for, sampling everything, taking what you like, discarding what you don't like, and learning from the perspectives of others.
#ooc;;#just posting not staying around#honestly i enjoyed shb but the way the majority of our fandom looks at it makes me hate it#it makes me hate being here#the high focus on the ancients without ever questioning them makes me hate being here#the space i wanted to seek out just doesn't exist here#really considering just abandoning my blog b/c i don't have the courage to delete it#anyway bye
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cloud datacenter stress test more like queue simulator player patience test
#text post#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#i'm not sure what i expected.#i wonder if it would have been better or worse if i'd started an hourish ago when it opened but i was busy then lmao.#cloud servers often have poorer performance than physical servers#so honestly i think it'll be a miracle if these don't shatter apart under the strain.#i was kinda surprised they're even considering it because i'd swear i recall them previously talking about it not being an option.#anyway i guess i'll see what the queue times are like while i eat dinner (so far they're ugly)#and then my ass is back to doing other shit again. i thought it would be fun to participate but#i'm not wasting hours in queues for a character that gets deleted in a week. maybe later if it gets better.
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sometimes i think back to my earlier days on this site and i can’t even believe this is the same blog
#i’m SUCH a different person than i used to be#i’m honestly considering going through my old posts and deleting the really cringe stuff i said because like. i’m a different person now#it’ll be my fourth anniversary on here in april 😭#soliloquies
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i don't know if i'll be able to post on here or ao3 much at all in the coming months. vent in the tags
#like real vent#i honestly think this is the worst i've ever felt#bordering on a fucking mental breakdown#i hate myself because my thoughts are so violent right now and i already snapped and talked back when i didnt mean to im scared im going to#hurt someone i fucking hate myself so much im geniunely such a stupid retard i cant even fucking do my schoolwork#i overheard my parents talking about how they might consider deleting all my writing because apparently i spend too much time on it#when i barely ever even get to touch it recently#if they do that i dont even know what ill fucking do that will geniunely be the last straw#my mother always talked about how she moved out young and how much it hurt her but she is not fucking helping right now#i dont even know anymore#im scared#i dont want to be here anymore#i shouldn't be this upset all the time#i shouldn't post this with all the tags and i know that but fuck i don't care anymore. i love you all so much and im sorry#im sorry that this shit is on your dash im sorry i made false promises about long fics im sorry i never update im sorry my writing is never#even any fucking good im sorry#i hope you're all having a better day than i am. you all deserve it#im sorry theres literally no other place i can vent and my therapist sides with my parents regardless#i love you all platonically. gonna go crawl up in a corner and fucking die
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